Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
