Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
