ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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