Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
