Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
