Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
