Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
