Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
