my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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