i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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