did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sober January is a disaster.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
