One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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