Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
