I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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