Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
