in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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