I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
