We're facebook friends in real life
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
