New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Shame is for Republicans.
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