he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
