ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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