i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
