i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
