I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize