spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
