I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
