I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
