I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
