my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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