Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
