I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
