I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
