non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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