you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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