I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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