I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
