It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she told me i tasted like america
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
