i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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