I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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