That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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