Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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