dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
