We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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