Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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