Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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