I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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