dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
