i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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