HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
