The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships