he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.