Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!