The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.