Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
