Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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