I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
