Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
