She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We left an ass print on the piano.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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