Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
