ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
