wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
